Forget Sex-Positive, Be Sex Neutral

August 19, 2008

Why must we controversialize everything? I’m just having my morning fruit and yogurt parfait while I read a few blogs this morning and started running across these declarations of “sex positiveness”. Why? If the site is about the joys of sex then we obviously know that it is sex-positive. However, if the site about something like, oh, fat acceptance, then what difference does it make? There is no need be a sex maniac or a prude. I noticed that some peoples’ idea of sex-positive is all freaky, all the time! Beware! That is just yet another smokescreen for and extreme form of our culture’s hypersexualization of everything. Perhaps that is what it should be. For the rest of us ordinary folks who love sensual pleasures in all forms, including but not limited to sex, sex-neutral is more accurate.

In an article for Planned Parenthood on providing sex positive sex education, Lisa Tobin writes that being sex positive includes:

  • Having a comprehensive definition of sexuality
  • Viewing sexual health as a basic human right
  • Focusing on the life-enhancing aspects of sexuality as well as attention to the negative aspects
  • Being non-judgmental and challenging narrow social constructs
  • Using inclusive language rather than value-laden language which makes assumptions based on sexual orientation or gender stereotypes
  • Assisting individuals to be aware of the choices involved in sexual decisions

Sounds pretty neutral to me. Anyway, I am sex neutral. That means all of the above plus I don’t really care whether someone is homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, transgender, curious, fat and sexy, skinny and sexy, or whatever because it’s not the main idea. Sex neutral just means that there will be no promotion nor condemnation of sexuality. It also means that we treat sexuality like any other thing, without special emphasis. Society at large would be a lot healthier if we all took the sex-neutral approach, especially when it comes to raising our children. Simply by using the proper terms for genitalia, not getting all excited when anything regarding sexuality is mentioned, and without being inappropriate, talking about sex just as ordinarily as we do any other aspect of human life. Just relax already!


You Wanted Erotica, Well Here it is, Ladies!

August 6, 2008

I did not write this awesome story. I did write a sexy vignette today but I am not ready to release it just yet. So here is one of my favorite erotic stories ever, written by Abigail from Brooklyn NY. Get a cup of tea and sit down. This one is pretty juicy!! Also check out some of her other works at http://www. redbubble. com/people/iamwriter. They are pretty deep. But for now, enjoy!

Two-Way Threesome

By Abigail

Threesome

I heard the elevator reach my floor. That meant my favorite show was about to begin next door, saving me from horrible reality TV. Wednesday night. My neighbor’s husband starts his work week on Wednesday night. I met the couple in the elevator soon after I moved in. She’s a fashion designer. He’s an ER doctor. He does three twelve-hour shifts then he’s off till the following Wednesday. She doesn’t like to be alone. So the stranger shows up. I figure he’s a Sergei or Jacques. That’s the name I’d call out. He’s so handsome. Dark. Thick black hair, smooth face.

He exits the elevator and walks straight to her door. After a brief pause he turns the doorknob and disappears into her apartment. I watch the empty hallway for a few more seconds through my peephole hoping he would reemerge, change his mind. No such luck. Music starts to play. Sounds like Jamiroquai. I wonder who makes the musical selection for their trysts. I would’ve chosen some Oasis; “Fucking in the Bushes,” how appropriate.

I went into the kitchen and decided to put dinner on. I sliced the chicken breast thinly after cutting off the fat. I coated the first piece of chicken in egg and milk. The mixture had the consistency of semen. I put my nose to the bowl and inhaled. The scent was similar – that heavy protein smell. I’ll swallow semen but would never consider tasting what was in that bowl. The first piece of chicken got a generous coating of breadcrumbs and I put it down to rest.

I could hear her moans. She was calling his name this time. Couldn’t quite make it out over Jamiroquai going goo-goo over his cosmic girl. Sounded like a three-syllable name. So he wasn’t a Jacques or Sergei. But he and Jesus were doing a number on her. I envisioned he had her bent over the arm of the couch. Or they were both on their knees, her on all fours. That was one of my favorite positions. I was getting moist between my legs. Chicken goes in egg and milk. Chicken goes in bread crumbs. Chicken placed onto the plate with the rest of the breast pieces awaiting the hot oil. The monotony of my work allowed my mind to wander. Was he holding her by the hair? Did he grab her hips and pull her back into him? I coated my frying pan with about an inch of oil and turned the heat up. Oil dripped down the side of the bottle as I replaced the cap. I wiped it off with my finger and used it to massage my clit.

The chicken breasts were a golden brown. Two shades lighter than my own. I got splashed with hot oil Cherriesripebmp_2 that popped. I wiped the oil off of my arm. It hadn’t stayed on my skin long enough to leave a mark. I took the chicken breast out the pan and blotted them with paper towels. My neighbors were probably using paper towels to clean up his come. At first, the paper towel was rough against her inner thigh. As he would fold it over to uncover a clean section, the sharp edges were dampened by his sweaty palms. I covered the bottom of my baking pan with pasta sauce and then put the chicken breasts down.

I loved the way my body sunk into my couch, right between the cushions. The perfect cradle for my ass. I could lie in the couch watching television and my nipples would get hard. It fascinated me how much glistening, slippery liquid seeped out of me after I’d come. I never get up right away after an orgasm.

The back of the couch was just the right height to put my leg up on. My other leg hung off the couch, my foot on the floor. My clit was now swollen under my fingers. My neighbor probably has a big one as well. I’ve seen her commit just one fashion faux pas: she was coming back from a run and had major camel toe. The seam of her spandex shorts disappeared between her meaty labia. She works out without underwear like I do. I love the smooth curve of my ass under my spandex shorts. And there’s always the chance I’ll climb my way to an orgasm while on the Stairmaster. I said hello to her that morning as I always do, but couldn’t help stare at her crotch. It spoke to me.


I could feel my juices trickling out of me and down to my ass. I should’ve put a towel underneath. The louder she moaned, the wetter I became. I’ve tried on several occasions to come at the same time as she does. I can do it when I’m watching my favorite porno. The one where the coquettish “young” woman takes it up the ass like a pro. The actor’s money shot coincided with my climax. I could hear my neighbor nearing the finish line. Her animated purrs became intense, growls almost. I was nowhere close, but I kept the rhythmic massage going on my clit until there was silence coming from next door. The droning of didgeridoo entered the air. The stranger would be leaving soon, so I had to be ready. I threw on my cut-offs and a tank top. I tied up the garbage in my kitchen and waited by the door.

About two minutes passed when I heard her door open. I counted to five then opened my apartment door. He looked my way then back at the elevator. I held the garbage bag at arm’s length as I walked past him to the garbage chute.

“Gotta throw out this chicken skin.”

“So you’re the one cooking what smells so good,” he said, following me with his eyes. I smiled. In reflex I held my breath as I opened the chute and dumped the bag.

Elevator

“You just moved into the building?” I said, feigning ignorance that I prayed he’d see right through.

“No, I’m just here visiting a friend.”

“Oh,” I said, “I like visitors.” My eyes gleamed in response to his. “Did you have a nightcap already?’

“No, I haven’t actually.” He turned completely to me. I ran my eyes down the length of his body, studied his shoes, ogled his crotch, and then landed on his full lips.

The elevator dinged and the door opened. He followed me into my apartment. I was sure that my neighbor was watching us through her peephole.

Angelo was his name. He swirled his Jack on the rocks. The ice cubes clanged against the glass. I had examined his hands and fingers from a distance. They were well manicured and clean. I wondered if they still smelled like my neighbor. She was probably next door, not yet showered, with his deposit still leaking out of her.

“Will you visit me again?” I asked.

“If this visit is worth while.”

I sat in lotus position on the couch. My left lip peeked out from my cut-off shorts. He noticed it. My four-day shadow was apparent. Prickly to the touch. He sipped his drink and looked back down at my crotch.

“Should I have shaved?” I asked.

“No, its fine the way it is.”

“You don’t shave, do you?”

“I’m a man.”

Good answer. I wondered if the same thick hair that covered his head covered his body. I saw a few strands sticking out the top of his shirt. My neighbor had helped him get dressed. Made sure to leave the first three buttons open. Made my work easier. I leaned forward, and took a few of his hairs in my teeth and tugged. I could see his skin and follicles bulge up under my pull. He took in a deep breath through his teeth and he opened his legs for me. I put my elbow on the prominent bulge between his legs. I put a little more weight onto his crotch and he made that sound again.

“Mi piace molto,” he moaned. I adjusted my contact with his penis and grabbed it and his balls with my hand clawed. Like a vice, I took all of my fingers and squeezed. Lightly at first, then harder. If he didn’t slide his hips forward, I would’ve detached them from his body. Angelo stared at me wide-eyed and smiling. He opened his pants. His penis stood up like one of those inflatable dolls with sand at the bottom.

When I put his cock in my mouth I could smell and taste her. It was a sweet flavor, like she had a diet full of oranges and cherries. I sucked till her scent and flavor were gone.. I kept sucking till I could taste his pre-come. I wanted to taste all of him.

I took his balls into my mouth and juggled them with my tongue. Then I tasted his ass. He squirmed. I tugged on his cock like a cow’s teat. I took his drippings and my spit to lubricate my longest finger. I fucked him with my fuck-you finger. These animal sounds emanated from him. I knew when I moved from my spot, there would be a puddle.

My neighbor was mesmerized by what she heard. I was sure of it. She never knew Angelo could make sounds like that. She never knew that sounds alone could make her touch herself.

He slid off my finger and turned around to me. “Let me see you.”

I stood up for him. He didn’t say anything. I turned around for him. Still silence. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me to my living-room floor.

“I want to see you.” He pushed me onto my back. His intention was clear. I had my hands around my ankles and my elbows on the back of my knees.

“Bella.” He feasted on me while he stroked his cock. When he entered me, his eyes were closed and the veins in his neck popped out from his exertion. My screams were answered by his. He muttered something in Italian and grabbed my hair low, by the scruff of my neck like I was a baby kitten. He held me there till I heard him come. I was filled with his warmth. When he pulled out he wiped the head of his cock clean and sucked his fingers.

“Would you eat milk and raw egg?” I asked. Egg_white_2

His face contorted in disgust.

I nodded, “Me neither.”

His arms and legs wrapped around me like an orangutan. I didn’t recall his limbs being so long.

The next morning we got ready for work. Without any words we relived the night before. “I’ll go get the elevator.” He let himself out my apartment.

I gathered the last of my things – my keys, chapstick, cell phone – and threw them in my bag. Then I took the same path he did out my apartment.

Angelo and my neighbor stood side by side at the elevator like two statues. They didn’t utter a word. When the elevator announced its arrival with a ding, she walked in first. He was second. I followed. She went to one side of the elevator and he stood on the opposite side. Neither of them pressed the button. So I stepped forward and pressed “one” and “door close.” I took my spot between them. We looked like the letter “M,” with me being the lowest part in the middle. I watched the lights come on, then go off in descending order. I swear I heard a collective sigh when we made it to the ground floor without anyone joining our party.

He exited the elevator first. We all exited the building. “I’ll talk to you later, love.” He gave me a kiss on the neck. I smiled.

“Have a good day.” He walked down the block with such a confident swagger; his shoulders and hips swaying just right. It reminded me why I loved to watch him so much. My neighbor took my hand and gave it a squeeze. We held hands till the last possible second as we headed in opposite directions. She winked at me.

“You taste delicious,” I told her.

Visit her at: http://www.myspace.com/iamwriter


Weekly Food Consumption around the World

August 5, 2008

This article about the weekly food consumption of families worldwide was forwarded to me. I don’t know where it came from so I can not account for its accuracy. It does not reveal whether the cost of food is actual cost or relative, and it does not seem as though the families are closely comparable socially or by size, however it is extremely interesting.

As a foodie I find it particularly disturbing that the only fresh green thing the American family had was a handful of grapes! In my opinion, the Egyptian family had the best (both healthy and delicious) diet, though I think the Polish family’s diet is the most similar to, though not exactly like my family’s.

What is eaten in one week around the world

Take a good look at the family size & diet of each country, and the availability & cost of what is eaten in one week. Interesting that at the lower levels of income the highly processed and high fat foods that contribute to obesity pretty much disappear.

Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

[]

Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

[]

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina
Food expenditure for one week $341.98
[]

Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

[]

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

[]

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

[]

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

[]

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

[]

Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

[]


Bad Fake Food

August 3, 2008

Oooh, I hate bad food.  I promised myself never to eat bad food because it is a waste of calories.  But I met some friends from out of town this weekend near the airport before their flight out.  I am not familiar with the airport suburbia and the fabulous restaurant we chose online was closed down.   The closest place was this awful chain joint that serves fake-ass Mexican food and we were hungry and didn’t have enough time for exploration. It sucked so bad that despite the great company my family came home hungry and cranky.  My ten year old daughter theorized that she had too much saturated fat, which was likely true because she could not bear to order anything faux Mexican so she had a corn dog and tater tots!  This is a child who eats fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil on ciabatta!  She has never been programmed to distinguish “kid food” from good food, thank goodness.


Female Sexual Expression or Cliche Stereotypes?

July 24, 2008

Do you know the difference?

It is such a shame when women claim that they are so free to express their sexuality, are in reality just imitating someone else’s (usually a man’s) idea of what they think female sexuality should be. I would never tell anyone whether or not they are being authentic in their expression of their own sexuality, but the range of sexual expression is at least as broad as the range of human emotional expression, and maybe broader. But the range of most commonly what we see being portrayed as sexual expression is extremely limited and narrow as unsophisticated, silly little sex kitten-like behavior, which makes its authenticity highly suspect. Behaving in a stereotypical sexy female way is not harmful, as long as the actor has acknowledges it as such. It can be fun to behave like an airhead porn star–if that floats your boat, as long as you don’t take it on as your personality (if you are not indeed a genuine airhead porn star).

I was inspired to think about this topic by a CNN video clip I saw this morning, “Video Vixens too Revealing?

Women are so complex, therefore naturally female sexual expression is as well when it is genuine and emanates from deep within. But when women put themselves out there as only superficially sexy, and nothing else, the result is just a facade of sexual liberation, and it does not serve a woman’s interests at all. For starters, living a lie always eventually ends in unhappiness, because she is not honoring her self and her needs. She may become lost in her show, losing her grip on reality. Instead of meaningful relationships, she will experience the most shallow and flippant form of attention from males with short attention spans. Many, many men can see past cliche stereotypes and greatly appreciate a woman’s genuine sensual, sexual, feminine expression. Even others find it extremely attractive but can’t put a finger on exactly what it is they are attracted to. Female sexuality is vastly unlimited. It can be mysterious, breezy, shy, bold, ethereal, playful, aggressive, exotic, plain, elegant, graceful, butch, innocent, goofy, etc., and the list could go on for days. That sexuality can be expressed though a woman’s gait, voice, gestures, facial expressions, fashion, language, emotions, creativity, or any combination of these plus more.

Sexual expression is highly individual and unique, and therefore can include, but can not possibly be limited to writhing and gyrating, with mouths permanently stuck in a position to give cunnilingus at any second, conveying an overt message of submissive inferiority and desperation to be had sexually in the current moment! Female sexual expression can not possibly only consist of visuals of solely breasts and asses, because there is a whole body and mind to work with. As a tantra yoga instructor and feminist, I am certainly not a prude. Sexy is good, even if it is trashy sometimes, but that’s not all! I work with women to help them to look far beyond the confusion created by male media exploitation of female sexuality for profit to embrace their own healthy individual sexuality, in all its glorious diversity.

We should reclaim our sexual identity from simplified, superficial cliches. The first step is to be able to identify our own pleasure, and to simply distinguish it from the pleasure that is derived from pleasuring others. Of course I am not suggesting that we take on a selfish, every person for themselves attitude when it comes to sex. I am suggesting that you know how to experience a fair give and take in a sexual relationship, instead of exclusively pleasuring a partner, and thereby only getting a secondary, incidental pleasure for yourself. Ask yourself, what actually pleases ME?

Secondly, try not to define your sexual expression using someone or something else as your frame of reference. Just BE, which brings us all the way back to carefree sensuality. Broaden your sexually expressive horizons! It is not always necessary to overtly put sex on display to express your sexuality, because your sexual self is actually not separate from the rest of your self. Give up posing for others or imitating anyone. Don’t compare yourself to other women. Forget putting on the usual acts–talking in a babyish voice, walking with tiny steps with the feet in turnout like a two-year-old in a diaper, pretending to be unintelligent, or moving like a robot programmed to look sexy. Relax into your own sensual world and just be a part of it, without putting forth any effort at all and choose to allow your real self to show.


Give Love Away, You’ll Never Run Out

July 15, 2008

When you know that someone wants love from you, just give it to them. Love is not a commodity or an emotion. You don’t pay money for it. No matter how much you give away the amount you have never diminishes, and in most cases increases. Love’s value is immeasurable so it is impossible to barter, exchange, buy, sell, borrow, hoard, earn, or loan it. Love is not sex, liking, or attraction. Love is a universal energy. Love is the essence of God. Giving love always benefits both the giver and the recipient equally. Love heals miraculously.


How to be More Feminine

July 7, 2008

By Linda Markley

Unhappy medium

The feminine principle has been suppressed for millennia. In recent decades, we have also learnt to suppress the masculine and relate in a safe, neutral way. Relating in a neutral way is expedient for all of us at times, but part of the richness of life and opportunity of this time, is for all of us to develop a wider spectrum of strengths and choices, and dance more freely with others, especially in intimate relationships. To dance we have to be willing to be and express something other than neutral. In doing so, we help others express more of themselves. In particular, when we are more feminine, we leave space for others to be more masculine.

How to be more feminine

1. Please ourselves - Women have been conditioned for many generations to get and keep a man. Even in these enlightened, liberated times, studies show that women who are not in relationship are less confident about their appearance than women who are in relationships. This feminine obsessions with being wanted, loved, attractive and in relationship can get in our way.

When we are feminine for our own sakes, we do not feed these obsessions or attempt to manipulate others, which is something women learn to do when they have no direct access to power. When we pay most attention to how we feel, rather than to the response of other, we own our own power and are authentic.

2. Explore, experiment, create, express - To please ourselves, we have each to explore what being feminine means to us and what helps us to feel feminine, and to enjoy and express the many different aspects of our femininity. This might include exploring creative outlets such as art, writing, music or dance, or creating a home or garden, or connecting with children, nature, the earth, sea, women, men, intuition …

3. Reclaim choice - To change deeply entrenched habits, we need to be aware of our liking for what is familiar and, hence, comfortable. For many of us, that includes responding in a neutral or masculine way. Only when we are aware of doing so, do we have real choice.

4. Connect and flow with life - The power of the feminine comes from connecting and co-operating. This is usually seen as co-operating with others but it can also apply to flowing with life and change. The feminine, which is associated with intuition and feelings, is well placed to do this, provided we own our feelings rather than resist them or dump them on others.

5. Connect with others (in an isolating culture) - The feminine is associated with and, to some extent, discovered through, connection and co-operation with others. Now that we are all so busy and many of us are somewhat isolated, this can be challenging.

A resource which is useful for this and for learning to flow with life is improvisation, in dance and in theatrical games. Look out for theatrical or comedy improvisation, Action Theatre, Five rhythms, The Wave, contact improvisation, Biodanza.

6. Connect with our bodies - While the masculine has a narrow, mental focus, the feminine has a broader view which includes our bodies, sensuality, feelings, hearts and all life. There are many forms of movement that are useful for connecting with our bodies. Some of these, such as sacred movement and dance, also help us to connect at other levels.

Look out for belly dance, which connects us with our bodies, sensuality and femininity. The emphasis is not on body shape but on using and enjoying what we have. That said, dancing in front of huge mirrors can be challenging but meeting that challenge helps us get over our obsession with having ‘perfect’ bodies and come to terms with what we actually look like, which is extremely liberating. There is also growing movement of dance which fuses the dance of different traditions. This is particularly useful for experiencing different aspects of the feminine (like the proud, earthiness of tribal dance; fiery flamenco, softer Indian dance). Look out for tribal fusion or ATS classes.

7. Open - The more we inhabit our bodies, the more we open, which allows us to feel more feminine.

One aspect of this is sharing ourselves. In 2007, a study revealed that, contrary to popular myths, men talk just as much as women. It does seem to be true that women talk more about people however. This can descend to gossip, or we can help others to share themselves and connect with others in a fuller, deeper and more meaningful way.

8. Praise - “The feminine grows through praise” David Deida.

According to Deida, the masculine grows through challenge and the feminine through praise, at least in part because praise helps us to open. Deida does not however, tell us how to meet the challenge (in the UK, at least) of getting praise! The best answer I’ve come up with is to praise myself freely and often, and to notice signs of approval in the responses of others (like being more open with me, giving me their time, attention or a smile).

9. Take great care of yourself - When we are nurtured and ‘loved up’, we are softer, more open and feminine. The feminine is the great nurturer, so lets love and pamper ourselves. This includes choosing the company we keep with care and ensuring we always have the support we need. When we take great care of ourselves we can keep our hearts open.

10. Clothes, hair and energy - I was tempted to call this section ‘appearance’ but there is much more to it than that. Clothes, fabrics, colours and even styles, all have an energy and affect how we feel (confident, happy, sexy, attractive etc.). Very often, it is this feeling that attracts people’s attention, rather than the outward change, which brings us back to pleasing ourselves.

11. Love, relationships and heart wisdom - Despite the feminine obsession with love and intimate relationships, most divorces are initiated by women. The love, intimacy and deeper heart felt connections we long for are only possible when we drop down into our hearts and risk keeping our hearts open. When we do so, those around us naturally drop down into their own hearts, and open more, deepening their connection with themselves and their heart’s wisdom, their environment and with us. This is the gift of the feminine, a gift the world sorely needs.

Linda Markley - EzineArticles Expert Author

Lisa teaches the Tantric Art of Bellydance on Thursday evenings on Capitol Hill, Washington DC. The focus is on how to dance from the heart and love your body. Get in touch with your sensual spirit through the joy of authentic Middle Eastern dance technique and your own divine feminine power. To sign up or for more information see: Bellydance


Tasteful Women’s Erotica on Passion Fruit

June 27, 2008

I used to write erotica. It’s all lost now with my busted desktop computer. I didn’t publish it, I only wrote it for fun until my husband discovered it and enjoyed it himself. I didn’t write the rough and trashy stuff or pornography. It was simply sexy short stories.

My view is that sexuality is a normal and healthy part of human life. I don’t view it as sinful or dirty, as long as willing grown-up participants are involved. I do not however, think it is entirely appropriate to expose young people to all of the aspects and intimate details of sexuality before they are ready. All they need to know is that sexual activity is not taboo, and that it is shared by adults in a respectful manner who appreciate all the possible risks involved. It is important that as goddesses we learn to accept our sexuality and not allow anyone to steer or exploit it. It belongs to us and we have the right to enjoy it. Our bodies are our temples, we can bring pleasure to them.

Now for us grown and sexy people, sexy stuff is just plain fun! It’s juicy, and it is stimulating to the mind and the senses. Some of my favorite classical literature involves scandalous women. Have you ever read Moll Flanders by DeFoe? I couldn’t put it down!

Now that I have a publishing outlet I am thinking of writing and sharing some of my erotica here with my fellow goddesses. Don’t worry, Passion Fruit will not turn into a sex blog. I just think that every once in a while I can throw in a short story here and there. I don’t include explicit images though, I leave that up to you to create in your own mind.

Do tell me what you think about this idea. Would you like to read some of my scrumptious tales? Do you think it would be a spectacular addition to this blog? This is one of the very rare occasions that I actually give a rat’s ass about what someone else thinks.  Ok well, maybe not so much, really…I’m just curious.

So take advantage and PLEASE COMMENT.


Forty is the New Twenty? We Hope Not

June 24, 2008

My close friend and gorgeous goddess Eve, who is 40

By Tina Tobin

When turning forty it seemed that I was assaulted by the phrase “forty is the new twenty.” It was especially targeted at women since advertisers seem to assume that we are more susceptible to these messages than men. I first heard this proclamation when Demi Moore turned 40 and pictures of her in a bikini were on all the newsstands. Like many women in their mid-thirties, I hit the gym a little harder hoping to have a body like Demi when we turned 40.

Years later, we had to face everything we knew to be true about time and gravity. We women were still all for staying in shape, but we had to acknowledge the reality of trying to look twenty at forty. It is at best, overly optimistic, and at worst, borderline neurotic.

Around this time women were given a new outlook on this pitch of forty being the new twenty when Demi and the much younger Ashton Kutcher became an item. Maybe we don’t need to look twenty we all thought, maybe we can just act twenty. This brief fantasy didn’t feel right either. For most of us there are too many responsibilities at forty that don’t allow us to act like we’re twenty. Although women with reliable baby sitters did get a few Saturday nights of acting twenty.

So if we didn’t want to look or act twenty, we needed to ask ourselves “What is so great about twenty that anyone would want to recreate it at forty?” Aside from looking good in those skinny jeans that have made an unfortunate comeback, most women I know couldn’t think of anything. When we were twenty we worried about what nearly everyone thought about us. By age forty our list of people whose opinions we cared about was very small, and filled only with people that would say kind things about us.

Somewhere along the line, Demi Moore also seemed to find that there is a freedom to being in your forties that you don’t have in your twenties. Photos of her in glamorous clothes at Hollywood hot spots were replaced with photos of her in a ball cap driving her kids to soccer games. Of course this new look meant that she was photographed a lot less, but I guess she crossed the paparazzi of her list of people to impress about the same time we crossed off the women who go to gym wearing make-up and designer work-out clothes.

So after quite a bit of reflecting, I feel comfortable saying that women don’t want forty to be the new twenty. We wouldn’t mind a few less wrinkles and other trivial perks that come with being twenty, but we wouldn’t trade the lessons and the joys that graced us during the years between twenty and forty. I’d like to think that we are wiser at forty than we were at twenty. The true test is if we have learned to enjoy whatever age we happen to be and not waste a moment trying to go backwards.

Tina Tobin has been an advocate for women and family issues for many years. She is the creator of the interactive website http://www.luvemorleavem.com where women can share straight-forward relationship advice.


Pulled Barbecue Chicken–Oh So Fast and Easy in the Pressure Cooker!

June 21, 2008

As promised in my post about the pressure cooker June 10, 2008, I tried the pulled chicken. It was so easy. I took some boneless skinless chicken thighs and put them in the pressure cooker with some chicken broth and garlic cloves. I let it cook for maybe 40 minutes. When I opened the pot the chicken fell apart as I pulled at it gently with a pair of tongs. I added my favorite seasonings and barbecue sauce and you could have sworn that your ole’ Uncle Gus was here. That particular day I was in a hurry but the next time I will finish off the chicken on the grill with some mesquite wood chips for more of the smoky flavor. Who says city folk don’t know nothin’ about no bbq?!