On a Mission: Update

A few months ago I embarked on an adventure to focus attention on getting myself into fabulous shape and looking great, just in time for my 40th birthday.  I lost a few pounds, and plateaued on that, but I gained a much clearer understanding of what it means to be healthy and look great at any age.

I quietly watched other friends and acquaintances and their efforts and actions towards feeling better about themselves and I came to the conclusion that I needed to shift (but not lower) my expectations even more than I had originally thought.  For example, I have been regularly eating a wonderful variety of fresh fruits and vegetables, along with other healthy choices.  I enjoy moderate exercise and because business is beginning to pick up I just don’t have the time to work out the way I did last summer when I was able to spend hours a day at the local fitness center where I worked part time.  I made up my mind that I can sustain my healthy eating and moderate exercise habit.  I already knew and needed to be reminded that I am absolutely not willing to give up cookies for the rest of my life and thanks to a foot injury during workout boot camp I learned that crazified workouts are just not an option.  I have a few friends who are petrified of getting older and how vowed to fight it at any cost.  One of them has achieved a significant weight loss through an excessive obsession with gym workouts. She was never fat, and now she just looks thinner.  She looks sturdier but she doesn’t look happier or more delicious.   Similarly, a woman who works at the weight loss doctor’s office told me that she follows the terribly restrictive diet they recommend all week and only eats what she wants once a week.  She is skinny as a rail and looks like a miserable human being to me.  Her cheeks are sunken in and drab and she doesn’t smile very much.  If I ate like that I wouldn’t smile either!  Neither of these women look vibrant, enthusiastic, or content, which are all very important components to my idea of fabulous.  Meanwhile, the changes I have made get me lots of positive compliments from strangers and friends.  Lately, I have been hearing lots of comments about looking “glowy, peaceful, happy,  sexy, like a newlywed”…and I like this.  Conclusion:  be healthy, and don’t worry because 5-10 lbs is not all that important at all.

Although eating cleaner (fresher, less processed) diet has not really resulted in fat loss for me this time around, it has led to a definite clearing of my skin.  I have much smoother, clearer, softer, and more even-toned skin all over.  I don’t wear foundation regularly and recently I stopped using face powder on a regular basis as well because I have no bumps to cover up.  The sparkly bronzer I love is now just a little too much for me now because my color is great and I just don’t need that pick-me-up anymore.

As the weather finally warmed, I had to buy new clothes.  I had all wool pants and fall tops in the closet.  This time I really paid attention to creating a style, being comfortable but not opting for the commonplace.   I rediscovered my favorite clothing store, which by the way, I never would have shopped at age 20 because it’s just too darned expensive.  So the truth is, it is so much more exclusive (unique) than Gap or Target.  You’ll think I shopped at a little standalone boutique somewhere.  The clothes I am finding are not the typical cookie-cutter crap that you see worn on MTV.  I buy items that have flattering cuts that don’t attempt to hide me, but just look great.  I’m not keeping up with the teeny-bopper trends like those aging “Sex in the City” types.  Oh yes, and I wear dresses!  After all these years.  I love the carefree no-fuss style that is not frumpy-hippie but sophisticated and versatile because it reveals a different kind of beauty that satisfies me.

What else have I been doing?  You would never believe how simple.  I just made a conscious effort at putting myself out there and being comfortable with it, in very simple ways.  When I get a manicure, I just have the high-shine buff instead of nail polish.  I took my sister Kelley’s advice on natural hair care and leaning more towards the clean, slightly tousled look for my locs.  I relax in my backyard hammock whenever I get a chance.  I enjoy wine and cheese in moderation.  I flirt with my husband in public.

Many of these things I have done before.  The truth is that you don’t just do a bunch of stuff and then one day be fabulous and have a “reveal” episode like in “Extreme Makeover”.  You do things and constantly refine and shift them as needed, not with the corporate-inspired trends and continue to get better and better with time.

On a Mission

This is my third week on the plan with the weight loss doctor.  Just like before, it’s working.  I am exercising too.  On my way

So here's my BEFORE photo--Hahahahaha!

to the exercise class I saw some free books on a stoop, which is a fairly common thing where I live.

I spotted the Perricone Prescription book and scooped it right up.  So many times I have contemplated buying that book but just never did.  (Thank you, neighbor!)  I had used some of the concepts from my previous shape-up a few years back when I got into the best physical shape of my life, since I was about 20.  The eating plan I followed was  basically the South Beach Diet with some Perricone ideas thrown in.  I am never an advocate for silly faddish temporary “diet” plans.   These are sensible guidelines for eating for great health, enhanced beauty, and reduced fat stores.  The book provided a little inspiration.  It provided another resource for my quest to be fabulous.  It was a sign to keep going, I’m on the right track.

In less than a year I’ll be 40 years old.  I don’t feel apprehensive about it the way I did about turning 30.  I freely own my age thanks to the wisdom and authority is has brought me.  I know everything.  (At least that’s what my husband says).  I do what I want and don’t give a rat’s ass what others think about it.  I don’t feel any pressure or worry at all about turning 40, it is just another year.  But just knowing how people typically react to a 40th birthday makes me want to start a new (well maybe not) project.  Fabulous at 40.  I think it will be so much fun to do my own mini extreme makeover. There will be NO surgical face lift and NO liposuction and I won’t be changing my style to look like a wannabe supermodel.  It’s gonna be authentic Lisa, new and improved, and sustainable!  YEAH!  Of course this means I’ll have to have a party.  Any reason will do.

Having a Coach is Work!

It is the first week with my coach and I’ve already had two homework assignments.  You have to make time to do these things.  The best thing is that these assignments are interesting and eye-opening, unlike school homework.  When we have something to do it is so easy to get all caught up in thinking in terms of what needs to be done, to the extent that it can become overwhelming and then NOTHING gets done.  Coaches ask a million questions.  Often, getting the task done is hidden beneath all those questions.  I feel some energy bubbling up!

Practicing what I Preach: Start Small

This morning I woke up feeling terrible.  Unhappy to go to the office, my temporary place of captivity where people do not always respect one another and where I am forced to hide my real self to preserve it from various harms.  I got out of bed and went downstairs to my chilly studio where I give workshops, parties, and bellydance lessons.  I lit a candle and an incense and put on some music.  Not quite the right music, because I couldn’t find that particular cd but I don’t have all day long.  I sat quietly gazing at the flame while my mind continued to race.   Then I let my attention rest on the dancing flame, which was being driven by a serious draft from the fireplace flue (I gotta take care of that).  Then away again my mind went, and then back to the flame again.  I imagined myself inside that flame.  Dancing within the flame and I began to feel the peace that I always felt when I meditated before seeing a client.  I always would meditate for a little while to bring myself out of any worries, problems, or concerns and to the present moment so that I can truly be here for the client.  I reminded myself of those warm days with the windows open and the fig tree swaying in the breeze when I was in charge of my world and generally content.

I got up, put out the candle, and sat down to write for a few minutes before I start my day.

A New Day

Hello everybody, it’s been a long absence. But here I am again in the dead of winter, before the emergence of the crocus flowers, after two

Crocus Flowers from The Door Garden Blog

MAJOR family losses (my dad and grandmother), and while being sucked dry of all creativity by an office day job that I took to lessen the blow of slow business in this withering economy. I have been feeling sorry for myself, and rightfully so for the past few months. I realize that I have stopped in my tracks, broken my stride, and been stuck, not going anywhere. Is this surprising, coming from a skilled lifestyle consultant? Perhaps. But it shouldn’t be. Everybody experiences the doldrums from time to time.

I haven’t had the energy or desire to write, create a mosaic project, dance, or countless other important activities that make me happy and keep me balanced. I haven’t been eating properly or making time for daily exercise and I had to buy some new pants because the old ones are too tight. I just finished the last of some bbq potato chip crumbs on the sofa, at 8am.  What happened to the sensual Goddess Lisa?

Ok that’s enough.  As a lifestyle consultant I know exactly what I need to do, where my weaknesses are, and what to do about it.  All it takes is the honest and true readiness for change.  My first course of action is to CONTACT MY LIFE COACH.  Yes, all great life coaches have life coaches.  (A lifestyle consultant is a form of life coach).  This is a testament to the fact that life coaching should not be considered to be a fix for broken people.  Life coaching is for people who are ready to make changes.  As a lifestyle consultant I already know a large portion of what needs to be done here–make time for fun, increase my intake of fresh fruits and vegetables, schedule exercise time, incorporate incidental physical activity throughout the day, and get up and write in my blog on Saturday or Sunday mornings.   My life coach is going to provide much much more than the intellectual answers to problems.  She will back me up, encourage me, and put a virtual foot in my ass when I need it.  She knows my particular buttons to press, what makes me tick, and the concepts to bring to my attention when my own ego, which prefers the status quo comes in with critical discouragement.

Now this is not a shameless advertisement for my services as a lifestyle consultant, though I welcome you to call me if you are ready for change and are willing to invest in your success.

I am going to share with you Goddesses my journey back from a mess to fabulous.  I will chronicle my challenges and successes right here on Passion Fruit.  Your attention will help to keep me accountable and hopefully benefit those of you who either are thinking about change but not quite ready for it yet (there’s absolutely NO shame in that, your time will come) or for the Goddesses who don’t have the resources at this moment to invest in coaching or lifestyle consulting and wish to start work on your own.  Reading this chronicle is by no means a substitute for getting your own life coaching, because no matter how similar we may be each person is vastly different in his or her own individual needs, quirks, and triggers.  Not everything that works for me will work for you unless you are my clone.

So let’s go!  I’ve just taken the first step.  I promise to post again next week with an update and/or some literary bric-a-brac.

I’m a Fatty: Heathy, Happy, Juicy and Delicious

This is not another rah-rah fat acceptance article to convince the morbidly obese, sedentary, extreme eaters that they are somehow sexy, healthy, and fabulous. At the beach this week I noticed I have put on a few pounds since last year. My tummy protrudes disproportionately (and always has) from the rest of my body.

Juicy Photo by Charisse Williams

It gets much worse when I gain a little extra fat. Genetics plays a role in the shape of my body, but is not the whole story.

A person’s size and shape is a result of a very complex formula that includes genetics, activity level, types and variety of activities done, quantity of food, quality of food, proportional balance of daily protein/carbohydrate/fat intake, hormones, age, gender, and overall health, to name a few factors. This is why the one size fits all weight plans don’t fit most, and why the range of ideal body shapes and sizes is actually very broad. We in the West are under the false belief that if we eat right and exercise that we would all be size 2, when in reality people who eat right and exercise can be a size 2 or size 20 and everywhere in between. The actual numbers her are based on my own unscientific assumption, only to be used as an example, not to be taken as a literal fact, but I’m sure you get the idea.

I am a professional dancer who performs once and teaches twice a week. I work out at the gym 4-5 times per week. I walk or ride my bike to the store often and my friends consider me a high energy person. I live in a 3-story house and run up and down the stairs many times a day. I know others with similar activity levels to mine who are skinny as a rail, which, btw, I honestly prefer not to be.

I am not an emotional eater, who dashes a candy bar in times of daily stress, nor am I a high-fat processed food junkie who eats from a fast food restaurant at least once a week. I love whole, unprocessed foods like fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. I am no vegan or vegetarian and although I care about what I put into my body, I have no food restrictions. Although I don’t always eat in moderation, I never binge. I love food. I eat.

I am plump and juicy like a ripe grape in the summertime and not a miserable emaciated stick figure with sunken cheeks because I am a happy person who has fun. I am probably a little fatter than my ideal because I veered off my normal habits a bit recently. But there is no need for me to fret about it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but just to get back on track and everything will fall into place. Thank goodness I am not paid as a supermodel or a famous actress to perpetuate women’s self loathing and to maintain standardized image that some woman spend their lives trying to imitate, because I would be under constant stress of being fired! I am paid to help people bring joy and happiness into their lives so I just look the way I happen to look by taking care of my health and enjoying life. Looking good is important to me, but equally so is feeling good and living well.

What is your ideal weight, size, shape, look? Here is the formula:

• Have some fun every day

• Don’t eat anything you don’t like

• Eat the rainbow (colorful fruits and vegetables) every day

• Generally eat real, whole, unprocessed foods

• If you love a fatty, sugar, processed junk food, don’t deprive yourself. Eat it every now and then.

• Be active in other ways than deliberate exercise (like a rat in a wheel)–dance, bike, play rope, skate, goof off with your kids

• Make sure that the amount of attention you pay to body image is equal to the amount of attention you dedicate developing your brilliant mind; having fun; enhancing skin, hair, tooth, and nail health and beauty; and being prosperous.

If you consciously and consistently do these things for several months, the exact number of months depending on how close to or far from your ideal body size and shape you are when you start, you will wind up at your ideal size and shape. If you do this and never become (notice I did not say “achieve”) size 2, then join the other 97% of us and be happy.

Give Love Away, You’ll Never Run Out

When you know that someone wants love from you, just give it to them. Love is not a commodity or an emotion. You don’t pay money for it. No matter how much you give away the amount you have never diminishes, and in most cases increases. Love’s value is immeasurable so it is impossible to barter, exchange, buy, sell, borrow, hoard, earn, or loan it. Love is not sex, liking, or attraction. Love is a universal energy. Love is the essence of God. Giving love always benefits both the giver and the recipient equally. Love heals miraculously.

How to be More Feminine

By Linda Markley

Unhappy medium

The feminine principle has been suppressed for millennia. In recent decades, we have also learnt to suppress the masculine and relate in a safe, neutral way. Relating in a neutral way is expedient for all of us at times, but part of the richness of life and opportunity of this time, is for all of us to develop a wider spectrum of strengths and choices, and dance more freely with others, especially in intimate relationships. To dance we have to be willing to be and express something other than neutral. In doing so, we help others express more of themselves. In particular, when we are more feminine, we leave space for others to be more masculine.

How to be more feminine

1. Please ourselves – Women have been conditioned for many generations to get and keep a man. Even in these enlightened, liberated times, studies show that women who are not in relationship are less confident about their appearance than women who are in relationships. This feminine obsessions with being wanted, loved, attractive and in relationship can get in our way.

When we are feminine for our own sakes, we do not feed these obsessions or attempt to manipulate others, which is something women learn to do when they have no direct access to power. When we pay most attention to how we feel, rather than to the response of other, we own our own power and are authentic.

2. Explore, experiment, create, express – To please ourselves, we have each to explore what being feminine means to us and what helps us to feel feminine, and to enjoy and express the many different aspects of our femininity. This might include exploring creative outlets such as art, writing, music or dance, or creating a home or garden, or connecting with children, nature, the earth, sea, women, men, intuition …

3. Reclaim choice – To change deeply entrenched habits, we need to be aware of our liking for what is familiar and, hence, comfortable. For many of us, that includes responding in a neutral or masculine way. Only when we are aware of doing so, do we have real choice.

4. Connect and flow with life – The power of the feminine comes from connecting and co-operating. This is usually seen as co-operating with others but it can also apply to flowing with life and change. The feminine, which is associated with intuition and feelings, is well placed to do this, provided we own our feelings rather than resist them or dump them on others.

5. Connect with others (in an isolating culture) – The feminine is associated with and, to some extent, discovered through, connection and co-operation with others. Now that we are all so busy and many of us are somewhat isolated, this can be challenging.

A resource which is useful for this and for learning to flow with life is improvisation, in dance and in theatrical games. Look out for theatrical or comedy improvisation, Action Theatre, Five rhythms, The Wave, contact improvisation, Biodanza.

6. Connect with our bodies – While the masculine has a narrow, mental focus, the feminine has a broader view which includes our bodies, sensuality, feelings, hearts and all life. There are many forms of movement that are useful for connecting with our bodies. Some of these, such as sacred movement and dance, also help us to connect at other levels.

Look out for belly dance, which connects us with our bodies, sensuality and femininity. The emphasis is not on body shape but on using and enjoying what we have. That said, dancing in front of huge mirrors can be challenging but meeting that challenge helps us get over our obsession with having ‘perfect’ bodies and come to terms with what we actually look like, which is extremely liberating. There is also growing movement of dance which fuses the dance of different traditions. This is particularly useful for experiencing different aspects of the feminine (like the proud, earthiness of tribal dance; fiery flamenco, softer Indian dance). Look out for tribal fusion or ATS classes.

7. Open – The more we inhabit our bodies, the more we open, which allows us to feel more feminine.

One aspect of this is sharing ourselves. In 2007, a study revealed that, contrary to popular myths, men talk just as much as women. It does seem to be true that women talk more about people however. This can descend to gossip, or we can help others to share themselves and connect with others in a fuller, deeper and more meaningful way.

8. Praise – “The feminine grows through praise” David Deida.

According to Deida, the masculine grows through challenge and the feminine through praise, at least in part because praise helps us to open. Deida does not however, tell us how to meet the challenge (in the UK, at least) of getting praise! The best answer I’ve come up with is to praise myself freely and often, and to notice signs of approval in the responses of others (like being more open with me, giving me their time, attention or a smile).

9. Take great care of yourself – When we are nurtured and ‘loved up’, we are softer, more open and feminine. The feminine is the great nurturer, so lets love and pamper ourselves. This includes choosing the company we keep with care and ensuring we always have the support we need. When we take great care of ourselves we can keep our hearts open.

10. Clothes, hair and energy – I was tempted to call this section ‘appearance’ but there is much more to it than that. Clothes, fabrics, colours and even styles, all have an energy and affect how we feel (confident, happy, sexy, attractive etc.). Very often, it is this feeling that attracts people’s attention, rather than the outward change, which brings us back to pleasing ourselves.

11. Love, relationships and heart wisdom – Despite the feminine obsession with love and intimate relationships, most divorces are initiated by women. The love, intimacy and deeper heart felt connections we long for are only possible when we drop down into our hearts and risk keeping our hearts open. When we do so, those around us naturally drop down into their own hearts, and open more, deepening their connection with themselves and their heart’s wisdom, their environment and with us. This is the gift of the feminine, a gift the world sorely needs.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Markley

Lisa teaches the Tantric Art of Bellydance on Thursday evenings on Capitol Hill, Washington DC. The focus is on how to dance from the heart and love your body. Get in touch with your sensual spirit through the joy of authentic Middle Eastern dance technique and your own divine feminine power. To sign up or for more information see: Bellydance

Don’t Vote for Barack Obama because he’s Black!

In 2004 during the Democratic National Convention I was getting ready to go somewhere. I was in the bathroom prettying up while the television blared in the bedroom so I could hear it. As I primped my eyelashes I heard a speaker come on. Bla, bla, bla, and then I started hearing some things that got my attention. Someone was talking about being united as Americans. He spoke to us as a collective whole, not by the insincere and overused phrase “the Amerrrican [sic] people”. This speaker didn’t sound clever or crafty, he didn’t have any stupid catchy sayings. He communicated in a way that was clear and comprehensible to a broad range of social backgrounds by not dumbing down his message and also not employing the use of jargon and senseless word pairings. I was impressed, clearly as many many others were, as was indicated by the enthusiastic cheers he got after every paragraph of his eloquent speech.

I still had no idea who this guy was and I felt compelled to put down the face paint and go find out who this was because whoever was speaking to me that night needed to run for president as soon as possible. Out of the bathroom I walked to find out that it was Barack Obama, running for the Senate in Illinois, and incredibly handsome black man. I was not surprised, I was refreshed, elated, and proud. I just looked at it again on U-Tube and it brought tears to my eyes all over again.

I have not been particularly proud to be American for the past several years. Now I am not a gullible person at all but hearing that speech I felt the hope, the possibilities, and that somehow things were not nearly as bad as I had thought. Oh, the potential for the United States of America. (I think that sounds so corny but it’s actually true).

I have agreed with all Obama’s ideas with the exception of only one or two from the beginning. The picture of America that he paints is the one I would truly love to see. This is why I will vote for Obama. The fact that he is black is just icing on the cake. I never expected to see this history being written in my lifetime and I am thrilled to be here now.

Let me tell you how we can get into trouble for voting for a phenotype without regard to the ideas and issues at hand. Here in Washington DC we had one the worst mayors (I didn’t say the worst, I said ONE OF the worst, so please no flames)–Anthony Williams. He was basically a George Bush in a black man’s body. But because too many of my fellow Washingtonians were to afraid to vote for a white female Republican, Carol Schwartz, a progressive candidate who was all down for the PEOPLE. She wanted to fix the broken infrastructure and bureaucracy in this town for EVERYONE, not just the wealthy developers or the wealthy white neighborhoods. So we got into a mess.

So, vote for Obama! But not because he is a black man and you want to see a black man in the White House. Honestly, I think I would rather have seen a WOMAN in the White House. But I think Obama is the best candidate now. Vote for him because he inspires you, because you think he can help us make our country the best it can be. Or whatever the reason, just make sure your vote is an informed and intelligent one.

Sensuality and Health

Yes, something as scrumptious as sensuality is extremely instrumental in improving health. Sensuality is not about burning calories trying new sex positions. Sensual awareness positively affects health by greatly reducing stress, generating more physical and mental energy from within, and creating an easy and foolproof method of weight control. Sensuality involves daily practices in which attention is focused on passion, creativity, enjoyment, and sensual perception in order to become and remain deeply connected with life.

Paying close attention what you feel, see, hear, smell, and taste, creates a sweet respite from life’s discomforts and challenges and also allows you to come out of your head and observe your body and mind in an objective way. In a way, sensuality is expanded awareness of your breathing and energy movements. The body has various internal energies that work on their own to maintain homeostasis, or healthy equilibrium, that is your natural state. When your senses are alert, you are able to recognize the calm, awake, relaxation that occurs because you have stepped outside of your analytical mind. Many physiological changes take place as you focus on subtle sensorial pleasures. Breathing deepens and slows, blood pressure normalizes, oxygen is directed to areas of the body that need it, helping the body to repair itself, and preventing new damage due to the physical effects of stress.

Sensual enjoyment alters the chemistry of your body and brain to direct the body to a state of health and vitality. The brain and nervous system are transmitters and receptors of electromagnetic energy, similar to the earth’s poles. Like magnets, we can attract these energies into and within the body. The state of the mind has a direct effect of the body’s internal energy flow as well as the interaction between the internal and external energies. The more sensitive you are to the energy movements, the easier it becomes to direct these energies to the body parts and organs where it is needed for strengthening or healing. Blockages of energy in tissues and organs create disease and degeneration. Once the energy flows are stabilized, the body operates more efficiently because energy is not wasted or stifled, and there is more available for exercise and everyday movement.

Preparing and enjoying food is extremely sensual. When you bring consciousness to food and create a pleasurable ambiance, it is impossible to engorge yourself with unhealthy foods. Taking time to arrange the food attractively and receive the food with gratitude and full presence will not only make you take notice of what kinds of food you put into your mouth, but it also greatly extends the pleasure gained from eating smaller portion sizes and finding satisfaction with less. Essentially, mealtime can be an effective meditation. Taking your time and taking pleasure with the aromas, textures, and tastes of the food aids in easier digestion and allows the feeling of satisfaction and fullness to kick in before you have eaten too much. The food choices that you make as part of a mindful eating plan will gradually become healthier, fresher, with more emphasis on natural fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins, seemingly with no effort at all. When you indulge in decadent foods in a mindful manner, you are allowed to enjoy the experience in moderation, without the guilt and without worry of gaining weight. Unhealthy cravings subside greatly. Mindful eating is incredibly easy and leaves you more satisfied, with no complicated diet plans or restrictions.

Make time for creativity and sensual experiences every day. It is not too good to be true that you can release stress, maintain a healthy weight, and increase physical energy without a grueling, complicated regimen, and while having fun.