I Love the F**k It Way

Tantrikas say, “Delight in the senses and flow with the subtle energies”.

Metaphysical types say, “stay present and don’t judge”.

Psychoanalists say, “feed your inner child”.

But how can we sum all this up for the regular folks?

Just fuck it.

I’ve always lived this way, and sometimes people just didn’t understand.  My dad always used to say, “Lisa only does what Lisa wants to do”. I was always baffled by his statement because I thought (but NEVER said) “well, what the hell else should I do?”

I don’t attend baby showers (fuck it, I just go online and send a gift).  I don’t buy black pants, even if someone says they slenderize, fuck it, I’ll just be fat.  I don’t eat beets and I don’t wear pumps.  Why?  Because I don’t want to.  I don’t stress about how other people say I should raise my child, and I don’t give a rat’s hairy ass if my neighbors think I’m scandalous and I feel good about it.

So,  I can’t believe I didn’t come up with the F**K it Way myself.  Someone else constructed a philosophy that so succinctly and perfectly sums up how we should be (if we want to).  I LOVE LOVE LOVE this so I’m going to share it with you all now.

That brilliant somebody  is John C. Parkin. The son of Anglican preachers, realized that saying F**k It was as good as all the eastern spiritual practices he’d been studying for 20 years. Having said F**k It to a top job in London, he escaped to Italy to set up the retreat center The Hill That Breathes, where he now teaches regular ‘F**k It Weeks’ with his wife Gaia.

How F**k It Works, Pt. I:  (from the Facebook notes)
You realise that things don’t matter so much after all.
Most of us believe that meaning and purpose in life are good things to have: where the heck would we be without a sense of meaning and purpose for goodness’ sake?

In fact, from a young age we start to pursue meaning – and the bigger MEANING – of life. This process usually culminates at around age 18, late at night, drunk and arguing with other students about The Meaning of Life.

Funny, then, that we get so much relief from saying F**k It to things as adults… given that we usually say F**k It when the things that mean a lot to us have begun to cause us pain. For example, if keeping fit means a lot to you, but the early morning runs or the squeezed-in gym sessions have started to become like torture – then you’d say F**k It and stop training, or do something else.

When we say F**k It, we say ‘Well, it’s causing me so much pain, it’s not that important is it?’.

And as we start to say F**k It to things in our lives, we realise that it’s the things most matter – that mean the most – that either cause us pain or have the potential to cause us pain.

Saying ‘F**k It’ reduces the hold that these ‘meanings’ have on us.
In Buddhist terms, we begin to release our attachments.
And meaning is attachment.

The logical conclusion to this, of course, is that nothing matters, really. And this is a horrifying possibility to most people. It is, after all, the opposite of the purpose/meaning drive that I mentioned earlier… the drive that pushes people through their lives… the drive that takes people from the search for meaning through material things, through love and relationships… and then through the search for ‘spiritual’ meaning.

Very few people get to the perception that ‘nothing matters’… but stopping the relentless search for meaning in its tracks is not a bad idea.
This starts with the perception that ‘meaning’ always has the potential to cause pain. It starts with the perception that most things don’t matter as much as we think they do. It starts with saying ‘F**k It’ to the things that are causing you pain.

When you do this, you start to sense the irresistible whiff of freedom… and that’s a wonderful and addictive thing.


Shifting Friendships

Sometimes friendships just fizzle out, and others just go dormant.  Sometimes lukewarm  acquaintances develop into all out friendships, and these are all a part of the ebb and flow of friends.  This is normal, but doesn’t stop me from being caught off guard.

I have a friend of almost 20 years who, over the past 5 years or so, has been slowly fading out of the picture. She has been around since the most turbulent times of our lives, our 20s.  I happily leave that time of discomfort and instability behind and never look back. My friend desperately wishes she were 20 again, and tries to recreate the experience now, 20 years later. I don’t care about anything that I cared about way back then. My life is so different now and you couldn’t pay me to go backwards.  The two of us have nothing in common except the past and until her recent defriending of me on a social network I hadn’t really faced that truth.

So where do we go from here? We didn’t really have a fight.  We still care deeply about one another.  But our conversations have lost the excitement of the past.  We went from seeing each other once every couple of weeks to once ever 3 months or more.  I’m pretty sure that she’s annoyed with me because I pointed out some ugly realities.  I’m frustrated with her (from my perspective) lifestyle stagnation.  Like when you are getting a shot and you see the needle moving towards your arm and you cringe and wait for the pain only to find out it’s all over and it didn’t even hurt, I’m not upset by this breakup.  In a way, I’m relieved that I no longer cringe and anticipate the ending of this friendship.

On the very same day of that boot to my butt, someone I’ve known for about 6 years or so, a good friend of a good friend, whom I always thought was an interesting and fun person but we never really hung out together reached out to me.  Come to find out, this person is going through some large-scale friend shifting herself.  We had a nice conversation and discovered new things we have in common.  We have plans to get together soon.

My new-found friendship will never replace my long time friendship.  The only relationship between these two events is their proximity in time.  That proximity in time only highlighted to me what was inevitable:  Time to express gratitude and  let go, time to embrace and move forward with the ever-evolving friendship flow.

Feminine Spiritual Revolution

In ancient times, the initial concept of a higher being was feminine.  Most societies worshiped the Goddess, the Great Mother, creator, provider, and sustainer.  Civilization was matriarchal, however, there is little archaeological evidence that the female members of these societies held themselves superior over their male counterparts. Humankind was in harmony with nature.   Generally goddess worship had been balanced with the honoring of both the male and the female spiritual attributes.

Eventually, as societies became less agrarian and more technological, the Goddess was replaced with a mighty but wrathful male god figure, and the ensuing cultural programming of patriarchy separated human beings from the biological reality of the natural world. Thus, the masculine attributes of aggression, greed, and hyper-competitiveness became exaggerated and dominant while the feminine characteristics of giving, nurturing and creativity of the species were repressed.

Mother Earth by Lisa Iris

As a result of the repression of the feminine archetype, there arose a violent and pathological imbalance in the our world. This was reflected in the devaluation and gross abuse of women in the culture at large, and the replacement of the feminine values of peace and cooperation, manifesting itself in excessive competition, domination and needless violence.  People began dying from heart disease and respiratory illnesses, brought on by psychological stress and environmental degradation. Sadly, in this dark age of declining cultural values concepts such as justice, equality, human rights, and common sense rapidly deteriorated.

Fast forward to today, it’s time for a revolution.  We are not talking of a new religion here.  Much blood has been spilled in the name of religion.  We are upon a resurgence of feminine spirituality.  Spirituality, unlike religion, emanates from within and is a deeply personal voyage, and each person must find their own path and answers in their own unique way.

Goddess, by her many faces across continents and cultures is a role model for tolerance, inclusivity and diversity. She represents restoration of the sacred, oneness and life-affirming values.  Whether deity, archetype or ideal, the “feminine face of god” can become common ground – a broad and diverse umbrella under which many can gather and find safety from the storm of chaos.  She makes no demands people worship no other god but her, entitling select groups to feel they are the chosen people with the only keys to the kingdom – or with the right to convert the other heathens of the world. No fatwas, inquisitions or crusades in the name of Goddess. No decimation of foreign cultures deemed “other.” Nor does Goddess give humanity the right to dominate and exploit the natural resources of Earth, its people and creatures. Within Goddess Spirituality, we are stewards and caretakers of Earth and its many peoples, not the masters. ~Karen Tate, http://www.karentate.com

So when we embrace the concept of the divine feminine both individuals and communities benefit.  Men and women alike are able to break free of old harmful patterns and tip the scales away from dominance and aggression and towards creative power, sensuality and intuition for a more benign human existence on this planet.  The masculine energies will not become namby-pambyfied, and the feminine energies will not become rough and mannish. There will be a balancing act of the two energies resulting in actions that stem from thoughtful, cooperative, and intentional actions.

As women, we will put an end to the abuse and martyrdom that has plagued us and resulted in full scale death and destruction.  We can rise to the occasion and be effective sisters, partners, and givers of life.  We can shape our individual and collective destinies and grow and prosper.  I don’t believe that we will literally create a Utopian society where war and conflict no longer exist.  However, balance is the key.  Now is the time to raise the Divine Feminine aspect in all of us to her rightful stature, creating a balance and respect between the masculine and feminine energies within and without.  Are you ready?